2/10/11 Sick and tired...

Yesterday, my husband and daughter ended up seeing their respective doctors. Husband has a sinus infection which is causing flu-like symptoms. Contagious virus, which unfortunately for the rest of us, we seem to have varying levels of it. I have a sore throat and post-nasal drip. Emily has a cough, messed up bowel movements, increased spitting up, messed up appetite, and sleepiness. My son was coughing this morning, but he doesn't know I heard him.

Last night, my daughter and I were up until 3am or was it later? I don't know anymore. I am so tired. We were up all night. She was hungry/thirsty and ate until she was sick. Knees to the chest, screaming, gassy but not passing poop....hours and hours of this until she finally, finally, fell asleep in my arms. We laid down and fell into a fitful sleep. One during which I woke up often to check on her. She ate again at 630....at least she nursed for a little while until she fell asleep again. Three hours later, she woke up again. Fought nursing and finally gave in and nursed.

She's had such a hard life and she's only three weeks old. Jaundice, tests, hospitals, doctors, fevers, sweats, needles, stethoscopes, and now this.

We have too much stuff and yet, not enough. We're disorganized with many things and over organized with others. I can't find the file box where I store certain documents, but I did find pictures from high school. How can I fix this? Who can help me? Will I find the time/energy to do it myself...soon? I have three more weeks at home until I am required to go back to work. I don't want to go back to work, but the consequences of skipping work are life-altering.

Here's to a little rest coming my way soon.

2/7/11----------Controlled Chaos

Controlled Chaos.

What a contradiction in terms. Controlled Chaos. Controlled: to have direction over. Chaos: disorder. So, how can one have direction (control) over disorder? Is it truly possible? I can't prove it, but I feel as though I am living it.

I have a wonderful husband, who pretty much does everything I ask him to do. 

I have a teenage son, who pretty much does nothing I ask him to do.

I have a 3 week old daughter for whom I do everything she needs me to do.

My house is a chaotic mess, but it isn't dirty. The dishes are done. The laundry is being washed as I'm writing this. I even have dinner (meatloaf) in the oven. My daughter's stuff is everywhere! How can someone so small create such a huge mess?? There's a stack of blankets on one end of the hope chest, a gift bag from an Aunt on the other end. Her swing sits near the wood burning stove, her play mat is in front of the entertainment center, a boppy pillow is under the dining table, 2 dolls and another stack of blankets sit on top of the dining room table, and there's a baby around here somewhere!! (j/k...she's in her swing)

I can't believe it's been three weeks since my angel girl was born. After delivering her on the 18th, we checked out of the hospital the next day. I just couldn't lay around being bored with my poor husband laying on a "window bed" and my son staying at a friend's house, when I could lay around my own house where all of us would be comfortable. Just three days later, my daughter was in an ambulance heading an hour and a half south to spend 48 hours in the NICU. 

The day after she is discharged from the NICU, we get a call from her doctor and are told to head to the nearest children's hospital for another stay and more tests. Seems she has tested positive for an infection. She's 6 days old at this point. What kind of infection could she possibly have??? More tests are conducted and guess what? It's not an infection after all, the first test or sample was compromised. There is nothing wrong with my little girl and we can now go home. Total time in a hospital following her birth: 6 days and she was only 9 days old. 

My little girl is perfect now. No health problems at all. She is growing, gaining weight, alert, active, and HUNGRY. She is hungry all the time. As a breast feeding mom, it's impossible to meet all her dietary needs after her spending so much time in the hospital. She was supplemented with formula. Now it's all I can do to provide 2/3 of what she needs. I think she "comfort sucks" more than anything. Even when I pump, I get only a few drops. Tonight my mom suggested I drink a bottle or two of water every time I nurse Yesterday, I read that to help increase my milk supply, I should nurse her more often and supplement her via a syringe of formula squirted into her mouth while she is nursing. 

So what do I do? I did the syringe squirting yesterday and the water tonight. Tomorrow, I'll do both. Hopefully I can get my supply up before I have to go back to work.

Time to get some sleep. Sleep when she sleeps. That's what they tell me. Good night.